A miscarriage is shared by partners as well. When people experience loss, they often grieve in different ways. You and your partner may not share the same feelings, and communication is key to supporting one another during this time.
Understand that your partner may not be grieving or expressing their sadness in the same way as you. Not all partners find it easy to talk about or express their feelings. Their unique emotional experience doesn’t mean that they are uncaring. It could mean that they deal with their grief differently from you.
Here are some tips to help you and your partner during this time:
Be honest and talk about your feelings with your partner. Knowing and understanding each other’s viewpoints and emotions can make it easier to support and understand what your partner might need.
You and your partner will not always feel the same way. Share empathy for one another when differences in emotions arise.
I didn’t know what I was doing, I sort of made it up on the spot.
Taking and giving extra care
Engaging in support outside of your intimate relationship can be helpful. Speaking with others allows the time and space to process how you feel and make it easier to empathise with your partner. Talk with someone you trust – family, friends, a colleague.
Let yourself feel what you are feeling
It’s ok to feel whatever you are experiencing. Grief won’t just go away if you try to ignore it.
My husband’s support has been second to none… I found myself really needy of him, because I so desperately needed the support…
Create memories of your baby together and create a place or memento where you can share in remembrance of your baby. Recognition can help bring you and your partner closer during times of grief.
Say yes to help
It’s ok to need extra support: Recognise when you might need some additional support and seek it out. Friends and family can care for children or pets, run errands, bring food, and finish chores. It is ok to say yes when others offer to help with practical support while you and your partner take time to heal.
. . .I also found that she probably didn’t know how to be there for me
Take a break
Spend time out of the house. Go for a short-day trip together, spend time with nature, or permit yourself to go on a holiday. Giving yourself distance from reminders and a change of environment can help.
Restore joy together
Gently reacquaint yourselves with activities or interests you enjoy as partners. Possibly discover new hobbies or activities you both have wanted to explore.