After your miscarriage, practicing self-care and accepting help from others can be essential to your physical recovery and coping with your emotions.
The emotions you may experience after a miscarriage can be very overwhelming. Please know that you are not alone and support services are available.
If you are in a crisis situation, please call Lifeline (13 11 14), Beyond Blue (1300 224 636), or 000 immediately. If you are unsure, you can learn about the signs for when you should seek mental health care.
Your emotional and physical well-being is the most important matter right now. You can experience a range of unsettling feelings after the miscarriage. Intense sadness and anguish are not unusual, alongside possible relief or calm. Whatever you are experiencing is ok. There is no wrong or right way to feel.
Many people, like yourself, will feel lonely at this time. For example, feeling separated from others can result from the time needed to recover or the inability to share your experience. You can lose the feeling of being connected temporarily. Here are some practical ways to manage and overcome feelings of loneliness.
Around Your Home
Mementos of your baby – Experiencing a miscarriage can be a very emotional time, and for many, having mementos of your pregnancy can be an essential part of your grieving process. However, if you have purchased any baby toys, mementos, or pregnancy products, you may choose to temporarily put these items away until you are ready to look through them again.
If you have things around your home that remind you of your pregnancy, you may choose to leave the space temporarily, such as for a walk or do something you enjoy outside. (Please ensure that you are physically ok to do so and that you are following any medical advice your doctor has given you.)
Getting away – Sometimes it’s just good to get away. You and your partner or a close companion may choose to go for a trip away together for a change of scenery and some self-care.
There was one particular aunty who had five losses of her own who sort of came out and said, you know, ‘Come and hide out under my wing and I’ll talk to you about it’, and that was really wonderful to have somebody else because I wasn’t aware that she’d had those experiences either, because nobody talks about it.
Allow yourself time and space for personal care. Your mental and physical health is central to your wellbeing. Here are some things that might gently help you recover and restore balance after your miscarriage:
Getting physically active – you may want to start with some gentle exercise, especially if you are still experiencing some bleeding and cramping. Some women have found that going for walks, spending time in nature, or doing some gentle yoga classes helps them feel better both physically and emotionally at this time.
Practicing mindfulness – many apps and techniques for meditation may help you experience calmness, process your grief, or feel more control over your emotions throughout the day.
…you know, even small things like taking a meal around or… just being there in all the ways that you would be there in any other situation.
Expressing your emotions – try not to bottle up how you feel, even if you think others around you don’t understand or aren’t providing the compassion you need. There are many methods for sharing what you are going through and feeling. You might like to do this by communicating your own story of miscarriage loss by writing a blog or recording a video. Or you may choose to do it privately by writing in a journal or other creative formats such as painting or creating music.
Accepting support – people often find it helpful when their family, friends, and loved ones offer support at this time. This kindness might be in the form of bringing some food over, offering to do some chores, or just wanting to spend some time with you.
She was one of the few people who was brave enough to come over and see me, like actually come and see me at home, just come over and sit with me.
Speaking to your friends or family online on video calls [Facetime, Zoom, Messenger] – seeing someone’s face when talking to them can make a huge difference. Instead of a voice call, try organising a video call instead. Anytime you need support you can always access it through online and through online and over-the-phone services.
Join or follow pregnancy loss support groups – where you can read about other people’s stories of pregnancy loss or share your own, so you don’t feel so alone. Or you might like to get involved with supporting miscarriage charities, or research.
I know there’s an organisation called Bears of Hope, and I contact them to get them to send a teddy bear and stories of other parents, and as you read it you realise you’re not alone, and it does get easier to talk about it, even if it is just to talk about it with your partner.
While many people find social media a source of support, connection, and comfort at the time of a miscarriage, it can also have the opposite effect. We know that for many people, there are dates, events, and situations that can exacerbate or trigger their grief around their miscarriage, mainly when they see pregnancy-related information, announcements, and advertising on their social media accounts. Here are some things you may choose to do which may help you in the first few days, weeks, and months after your miscarriage.
- Delete apps and unfollow any pages/accounts on social media related to pregnancy.
- You may also choose to go into your Facebook and Instagram ad settings to help stop or reduce any ads you may see on pregnancy, maternity wear, etc.
- You may also choose to temporarily “unfollow” or mute posts and stories from friends who frequently post about their current pregnancy or their children.
- You may choose to deactivate your social media accounts temporarily until you are ready.
I had friends who were getting pregnant… right when I had this miscarriage and I completely deleted [friend] from Facebook because I had this, like I can’t keep seeing photos of people who are pregnant, and people who are having babies.